A Few Quickies:
--- A corpse is a corpse, of course, of course, and no one can talk to a corpse, of course. Unless, of course, the corpse is the famous Mr. Dead!
--- A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
--- A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, " Doctor, doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."