TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.
TEACHER: Greg, go to the map and find North America.
GREG: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
TEACHER: Sam, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
TEACHER: Why are you late?
JACK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
JACK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.
TEACHER: If I had seven apples in one hand and eight apples in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!