21.       Soviet Embassy
Many years ago, after a round of talks, Nixon and Brezhnev drink a little vodka and get into a discussion.


NIXON: I hear you have a lot of drunks in the Soviet Union.

BREZHNEV: Not so! That's capitalist propaganda!

NIXON: No, I'm sure of it. You have a lot of drunks!

BREZHNEV: Nonsense. I'll prove it. You can go out at any hour of the night tonight, and I'll give you a machine gun. If you see any drunk you can kill him!

NIXON: Ahhh! Very good... (Evil smile)


That night, at 1:00 am, Nixon decides to go out. Brezhnev phones Andropov, who is head of the KGB, and tells him to get all the drunks off the street. So Nixon and Brezhnev go cruising around Moscow, Nixon carrying the machine gun in his lap. They drive for two hours not a single drunk. Nixon is in the throws of despair, and they are about to head back in, when he spots one lone drunk staggering everywhere who has escaped the dragnet. Nixon rolls down the window and blows the guy away.

Three months later, Brezhnev comes to the U.S., and, after negotiating with Nixon, they have some Vodka again.


BREZHNEV: Dick, I hear you Americans are a bunch of drunks.

NIXON: Not true. We're hard working people.

BREZHNEV: That's not what I heard. I want the same deal I gave you, machine gun and all. At 1:00 am.


So Nixon calls the police and the FBI and tells them to get all the drunks off the road. The two of them go cruising around in a limo, Brezhnev with a machine gun on his lap.

Three hours absolutely nothing. Brezhnev was tired and says, "Okay, Dick, you win. I'm tired. Let's go home."

Suddenly, as they're heading back to the White House, they see a group of 11 people walking down the street, drunk out of their minds.

Elated, Brezhnev rolls down the window and blows them all away.


Headline next morning in the Washington Post:



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