The Shotgun Rules
The rules listed below apply to the calling of Shotgun (the passenger seat in an automobile.) These rules are definitive and binding.
Section I: The Basic Rules
A. In order to call Shotgun, the caller must pronounce the word "Shotgun" in a clear voice. This call must be heard and acknowledged by the driver. The other occupants of the vehicle need not hear the call as long as the driver verifies the call.
B. Shotgun may only be called if all occupants of the vehicle are outside and on the way to said vehicle.
C. Early calls are strictly prohibited. Shotgun may only be called while walking toward the vehicle and only applies to the drive immediately forthcoming. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one cannot get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey.
D. The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons.
Section II: Special Cases
These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.
A. In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.
B. If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
C. In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.
D. In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they decline.
E. In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a five-hour trip with him/her crammed in the back.
Section III: *The Survival of the Fittest Rules*
A. If the driver so wishes, he/she may institute the Survival of the Fittest Rules on the process of calling Shotgun. In this case all rules, excepting Section II and I-D, are suspended and the passenger seat is occupied by whoever can take it by force.
B. The driver must announce the institution of the Survival of the Fittest Rules with reasonable warning to all passengers. This clause reduces the amount of blood lost by passengers and the damage done to the vehicle.
Please follow the above rules to the best of your ability. If there are any arguments or exceptions not covered in these rules, please refer to rule I-D.
1. Responsibility of Shotgun rider:
a) Shotgun rider is obliged to handle any and all drive-thru and/or take-out food taken in by the driver, and in the absence of cup-holders, to hold the drink of the driver.
b) Shotgun rider is obliged to be caretaker of any animals, such as large yellow puppies, that back seat passengers do not have room for in the back seat. Additional obligations to keep such animal out from under the feet of the driver and to remove from the space in front of the front seat any and all objects that said animal might chew, ingest, or otherwise destroy.