123.       Cat Physics
Cat Physics

1 - Law of Cat Inertia

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.


2 - Law of Cat Motion

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there's a really good reason to change direction.


3 - Law of Cat Magnetism

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.


4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.


5 - Law of Cat Stretching

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.


6 - Law of Cat Sleeping

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.


7 - Law of Cat Elongation

A cat can make its body long enough to reach just about any countertop that has anything remotely interesting on it.


8 - Law of Cat Acceleration

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until it gets good and ready to stop.


9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance

Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.


10 - Law of Rug Configuration

No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.


11 - Law of Obedience Resistance

A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for it to do something.


12 - First Law of Energy Conservation

Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.


13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation

Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.


14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation

If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.


15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction

Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.


16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking

A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.


17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.


18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment

A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to its embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.


19 - Law of Milk Consumption

A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.


20 - Law of Furniture Replacement

A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

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